Scanxiety

It's a bit past 4:00 am. I'm sipping coffee and clearing some emails. I will get a light workout in and then get cleaned up. I'll put on some comfy clothes and flip-flops (this is the Texas Gulf Coast!) and head off to the hospital for early morning blood work. That's because it's time for the 6-month workup. Joy, joy. Almost 13 years of doing this, and I still get all worked before these visits. They call it scanxiety.

One would think that I would be used to this by now. I'm not. Sure, the intensity of the anxiety has abated a bit. Rest assured that it is still there. In my head, I am fully aware of and have embraced the fact that wasting energy on things that I cannot control is non-productive. I've done as much as I could in terms of exercise and lifestyle. CLL tends to have a mind of its own. So... more than a decade into this, watch and wait, clinical trial, remission with MRD-, relapse, watch and wait again... Another trip to the medical center. Here I go again on my own...

How do you deal with scanxiety?